Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
