i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
