he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
