Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
