peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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