when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
