the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
50% drunk capacity currently
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
