Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
