making cat noises will not fix the situation.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
