You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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