You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
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