i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
