if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Non-Jews are for practice
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
