end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
even my farts smell like vagina
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
