There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I party with great urgency now.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
