Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
last night I used snow as a chaser
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
