I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
