Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
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