I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Is it because I queefed?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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