How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
