hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
