I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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