She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
