i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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