who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
