my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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