My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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