he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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