can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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