im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
