oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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