If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
