First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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