swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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