there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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