Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It was like giving head to a cactus.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
