I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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