So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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