i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
