yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
