I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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