After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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