Already got asked if we're dating
Who wears a wallet chain?!
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
