I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just cropdusted the office
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
