Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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