he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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