woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Randomize
