i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
