OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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