well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
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