I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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